At A Cross Roads

When I was young I always wished I could be a grown up so that I didn't have to ask my aunt for snacks or juice and I could get it myself. I grew up and realized that life is actually way much more difficult than it appears. There's hectic decisions you need to make that either help or break you ultimately, there are bills that you have to pay for and can't ask mommy dearest or dad to pay for. I know I'm a student but at 21 there's certain responsibilities that as a grown up i need to start being accountable for which can prove to be quite a challenge. Now instead of wishing I was a grown up who could make and act on their decisions without consent from anyone I find myself praying to God to make decisions for me, to choose for me because some of the things we face in this life time needs wisdom beyond human understanding. But of course God can't make those choices for me, I have to decide, He can advise, guide me and show me the way, other times He may require me to use the brains He's given me to reach a decision but He'll never make a choice for me because He's such a loving and a beyond reasonable God that He gave me the gift of choosing and sometimes I wish He did not give us that gift, that He would make choices for me because sometimes you just don't know which route to take especially when it seems like both routes have something great to offer but of course there's thee one which will lead you to where God wants you to be but as always its never to easy to decipher which turn to take and most of the time such decisions are thee hardest decisions one has to make. Right now I'm stuck at a crossroads, Haven't been sleeping well for a while and I get a headache just thinking about it and so each morning I cry out to God to help me choose because its sooo difficult to reach a decision and all I get is silence. I know a lot of people say God does speak even in the silence but sometimes it would be great to hear something so clear I wouldn't have to try break it down for myself. Maybe its because I haven't heard God's voice in such a long time I eventually forgot how it sounds which is sad because as Christ's sheep I should know His voice. I've had really tough decisions to make of which some I still question whether I had made the right decision but this one, I just don't really know because there's just so many voices going on in my head that coming to a decision seems close to impossible. And so i decided to seek counsel from one of my mentors who's been such a blessing in my life and I know that she can't make that decision for me but hopefully God will speak to me through her because I've reached a point where I'm weighing my options and in me doing so I'll end up taking the route that I maybe want to take but is not necessarily the route God wants me to take. I made that mistake of making my choices that way in regards to my spiritual growth but God has constantly showed me time and time again that what I think maybe best for me is not His best for me although it maybe the best or the best for someone else.  And so I'm hoping that through this counsel from a great woman of God and a woman after God's own heart that some things may become clearer.

She Who God Created

Today while sitting and having nothing to do but think and question a lot of things like  I always do, I remembered a conversation I had with a friend about a year ago. She spoke about there being this woman she knew God created her to be but she was far from being or living out that woman that she knew God had created her to be and today for the very first time I truly understood what she meant. I sat there and got sooo overwhelmed at the fact that the person I am right now is not fully who God created her to be. It wasn't a feeling but a deeper knowing that I am living a life less than what God wants me to live. As children of God we usually claim to know who we are, but do we really? Especially us women. We think we know who we are but yet settle for less than what we ought to have which is God's best. Apart from settling for less, there's also the really awful and most times bad choices we make especially when it comes to the male species. I know we human and God created us that way but I realized that most of my life, I lived like I a beggar, a slave, and an outcast and I did not fully accept the truth which is that as part of receiving Christ, God also gave me the right to be called His and co-heir with Christ, making me royalty, a class I clearly did not deserve to be ranked in but because of His unfailing love I became. Which brings me to my next question which I have found to struggle quite a lot with; why do we tend to believe everything else and everyone else much quicker than our Creator who knows everything there is to know about us that even the people we run to don't even know, and why do we second guess what God says to us and about us in our present, past and future but yet allow our past, our mistakes and our bad choices define who we are as people? I know I'm not perfect and this blog is not about me talking about how perfect I am because then I'd be lying and the truth would not be in me, but it's about being honest and genuine about my Christian walk so as to hopefully help and encourage someone out there, its about sharing my imperfections so that Christ's perfection can be revealed as I take this journey into being the woman God created me to be; the woman who not only BELIEVES IN God but BELIEVES God and every word He says about her, the woman who always places God first above any situation, person or circumstance, the woman who loves and gives without expecting nothing in return, a woman who has her identity solidly rooted in Christ, a woman who allows God's power to be made strong in her weaknesses, a woman who does not settle but upholds her standards which is God's best and His will for her life. But to honestly become that woman, I have to learn to truly trust and Believe God and receive everything that comes with Him loving me as His daughter and that includes His disciplining, rebuking and correcting me.  I am not saying that this woman wont hit rough patches here and there because life was never meant to be easy, but having the Author of Life as its Captain will surely see her conquering the storms and seeing God's grace, mercy and love each day.