It’s been ages since I last blogged. There were so many things and events that happened that I could write about, but for some odd reason, writing became such a drag to do but it’s good to be back.
So yesterday I found out I had not been shortlisted for a bursary I had been interviewed for. Instead of reacting like any normal person would, you know, feeling really down, not wanting to really talk to people and wanting to be in your own space till you could face life again. Nope, I just had to talk excessively, making fun of people and just talking a whole bunch’a nonsense. When I woke up this morning, I realised that I have a problem with showing my emotions, being vulnerable and open with people. I don’t like people see me seriously break down and most times I do a pretty good job at it. I put up this façade which suggests that I am strong and can take anything that comes my way or at times, that I am not moved by the maybe sad circumstance I’m currently in. Hiding pain or sadness is pretty easy, but sometimes it comes at the cost of those I make fun of which is really not cool at all. But we all know that something always happens behind even the façade that we use to push people away or to not let anybody in and I started to wonder if that was how I was with God.
There’s nobody who knows you like the One who created you, not your mother, not your dad, you husband, best friend, no one and I started to realise that sometimes we tend to react to God the same way we react with people we relate to or have relationships with such as family and friends. Guess we also forget that unlike our earthly beloveds, God sees everything you go through and He knows how you feel about anything and everything that goes on in your life, even those things you don’t want people to see about you, He knows all about that. As much as we should really try to be open with people and allow ourselves to be truly ourselves even when things aren’t going great, we should be even much more vulnerable with God about our feelings and stuff we go through that maybe we don’t want other people finding out about.
When I was young, an intimate relationship with God was something that was totally foreign. God was not someone you could converse with about your everyday life, or randomly talk to while you walking in the streets like you would with a close friend who you really respected, or someone you shared your deepest feelings with. He was to be feared and treated like the Man upstairs who’s out to get everybody, handing out free tickets to hell for all those who sinned. That is not who God is! Our Lord is loving, gracious and merciful, slow to anger and quick to forgive. He is relational. He fully understands and sees where you are and should be in control of the situation if you genuinely handed Him that control key or accepted Him not only as Saviour but His Lordship as well. He wants you to engage with Him about everything that goes on in your life, good or bad, all of it. He did not create you to love you from a distance, He wants to be closer than anyone who you consider to be close to you. This is why putting up facades even in your relationship with God is well not really relational of me or you if we are Christians who claim to love and be in an intimate relationship with God. We cannot hide anything from Him so we might as well spill the beans about whatever it is we are going through to Him.
What I also realised is that, the closer we are with God, the more our relationship with God is reflected and plays a huge role in our relationships with other people, and the closer we are to other people than we are with God, the more those relationships fashion or mould how we relate to God so needless to say, your relationship with God is really important and should never be neglected, no matter how low and abandoned or prodigal you may feel, even in those seasons of your life, talk to God about where you are and be honest about it, you know, some genuine microwave prayers here and there. The more you relate and engage with God about your life and your personal life, the better you able to relate to other people in a functional and relational way.